Mia

She smiles, she smiles a lot;

She'd started smiling even before she'd learned to focus.

We used to wonder at her

Smiling away in her sleep, lost in dreams

Which only she - an infant a few days old - could have.

Mum said she was smiling as she played games

With her buddies in her dreams

I was convinced it was the Angels

Whispering to her as she lay asleep.

Whatever the reason, she had us all

Curled around her little fingers

As she grasped our own

When we held her hand.

As I put ink to paper

She's turned a little short of seven months.

She sat on her own for the very first time

Just a few days ago;

I watched mesmerized

As she nonchalantly played with her toy

Albeit a little wobbly

And completely unaware

Of the tiny step she'd taken

In her journey towards growing up.

I'd been meaning to write about her,

Put down all the mystique of motherhood

Since a long time, even before she was born

When she was a little pleasant feeling

Growing in my tummy.

As she grew and started moving about

Within her watery world,

There opened up

A whole new world of feelings and sensations for me;

Yet I somehow felt at a loss

As to where to begin writing about her.

There was so much going on, all simultaneously

Inside my body, my mind and all around me

Such a difference in the way I saw things

In the way I felt towards things

And in the way the external world perceived me

People changed somehow

Especially in the company of an expectant mother!

And every single feeling, every single sensation

Was completely new, and raw, for me.

My daughter was already opening up

An entire galaxy of new experiences for me!

As a first-time mother,

My journey had begun on a shaky note

The initial worrisome period had scared me

And the first trimester was the most difficult

The second was easier to deal with

And the last was my happiest

Although physically I felt rather exhausted at times

Mentally, it was perhaps the most satisfying

As I felt my baby moving about within

And held my breath as she somersaulted and kicked and nudged.

I checked the calendar incessantly

Checking and rechecking the dates

And as the day approached for my angel to be born

I grew all apprehensive.

Would everything be alright?

Would it be as tough for her

As painful it was supposed to be for the mother?

My fears, however, were thankfully short-lived;

My angel was born without too much fuss

I did not have to bear much

For her too it was easier to be taken out by the surgeon.

But the pain did come for me later - the post-operative one

Sleep eluded me long into the night

And I counted out the hours one-by-one till dawn.

Morning found me waiting feverishly for my dose of painkillers;

And it was painful too not having my little bundle of joy beside me

But having to watch her from afar.

Earlier, when she was shown to me soon after birth,

I had only caught a glimpse of her as I lay on the operation table

And as she looked all around her with eyes fully open

Taking in all the new sensations and smells that greeted her.

I was impatient to hold her

To feel her tiny body in my arms as she nestled close to me.

And when finally I did get to hold her

It was pure unadulterated joy

A feeling unlike any other

One so mystical that it's difficult to describe

I only knew that I felt blessed to have her

And to be chosen by the Almighty

To be her mother.

Today, each passing moment

Gives birth to a new joy.

Every blessed moment that she is in my life

Is a moment of sheer joy

If at all there is any gloom

It's brought on by the regret that she deserves better

That I need to try harder to be a better mother

And take better care of my Mia and her needs,

That I need to be a more gracious and humbler recipient

Of the joy that the Lord in His Infinite Wisdom

Has bestowed upon me.

She's the angel in my life

The silver lining in my world

Where dark clouds sometimes gather

But she dispels the gloom with her angelic smile

And blesses all she sees

Bestowing riches upon everyone she meets - even strangers

And they in turn smile back in admiration at her beautiful fairy smile.

Her little baby fingers still grasp mine

When she wants to tell me that it's alright,

Her eyes full of wisdom, beyond her age

She gives me comfort

When I feel a wee bit overwhelmed at times

Bogged down by irrational fears and complexes.

Drawing her tiny arms about me

She gives a toothless dazzling smile

And I wait all the while for her first tooth to appear!

Mia, my love!

She's the world to me now

And I wonder how quickly time has flown

How quickly my baby is growing up...

My world is in a flux;

Full of wondrous twists and turns

Interspersed with moments of sheer bliss,

Each one to be savored and put away

To be cherished at a later time and date,

Until then, I'm busy being a collector

A collector of moments and of memories

And gather as much of them as I possibly can.

And a small smile starts to appear

At the corners of my mouth

As I think about the fun in store

All thanks to my little darling, my little sunshine, my daughter Mia.