Of Villas and Spaces of Comfort

Some days back, we got lucky to visit the villa of some friends. Unlike the norm this house was neither a very large one nor an estate to be called a villa. That it was a large house was without doubt (small houses generally cannot afford the classification of a villa), but the name villa would be apt for this one because it was a house in a city with a yard and a garden - a definite luxury when it comes to a city like the one we live in!

They had moved into it not long back and it was our first visit to the place. Tastefully done up with beautiful and creative artwork at strategically located places the place spoke of warmth and camaraderie that went well with the free-flowing conversation. Whether in the living room or in the open kitchen facing the invitingly green and refreshing courtyard, the talk centered on topics of general interest such as places of travel, cinema, gardening, cuisine etc. The thing I most appreciate about such hosts is that there is no clearly defined demarcations separating the "male area" from the "female areas". I place these within quotes because I feel they are a peculiarity within certain households. For instance, when we have visited some other friend/relative/acquaintance I have noted rather disappointingly that the males are seated/grouped together separately from where the females are sitting. This is all done quite deliberately of course, with the hostess herself calling out to her female guests to accompany her wherever she might choose to seat her female guests be it at a "safe" distance from the "male section" or worse another room or even the kitchen!

Speaking of which I simply do not understand why it is supposed to be the woman's "prerogative" to retreat to the kitchen when having guests and serve the refreshments while the the husband enjoys his moment of comfort making the guests feel at home with some "much needed chit-chat". Would some part of the male "manliness" diminish in any measure if he were to say, either accompany his wife to the kitchen or better still let her welcome the guests while he got the refreshments? The last might turn out to be a rather embarrassing misadventure if he is not "used" to being in the kitchen and has little idea of the whereabouts of various articles commonly found in the kitchen! These two peculiarities - the gender dividing seating and the gender specific behavior - speak a lot about the kind of atmosphere prevalent within the house. For instance, it can be interpreted to show that the house is a patriarchal one where the hosts enjoy quite orthodox, conformist beliefs with a clearly defined pattern of thought process and behavior when it comes to issues like gender, religion, community, children, societal norms, etiquette and so forth. In short, while they may pretend to be united when it comes to expressing opinions in public, the reality might be deeply divided individual beliefs or worse one gender completely dominating over the thought process of another! Of course the foundation for such surmise is that if in public they choose not even to sit near each other so as to foster an environment of healthy debate, it would be rare that they would indulge in it in private! Also, if the male counterpart was comfortable to show publicly that he was the "Lord of the Rings(Wedding)", then it would be safe to assume that it was the norm in private too with the wife standing by on his beck and call, ready to bring him his meal and clear away the dirty dishes afterwards. All this said, I have also noted rather alarmingly that some of these women might see nothing wrong with the established practice in their house - they might not be able to even construe the reverse scenario! The idea of their husband serving them tea or coffee might to their "brain-washed-since-childhood" mentality be so outrageous that they would rather hide away from such "ignominy"! As for myself, I feel rather ill at ease when faced by such households. As soon as I see such medieval, decadent practices play out before me, I fervently start thinking of making a retreat as hastily as possible!

So, it came about that when we visited this particular home it was a refreshing sight to see that the hostess was under no strain to play the role of the "traditional wife" - the fact that she had help whether it was through a maid or from her husband herself was reason enough to feel comfortable in such a place. There were no set boundaries for any person to play the "traditional" role "destined" for them. So, even though the couple had the "luxury" of affording a maid, they could be seen moving about the house each one trying to make their guests feel comfortable in their own capacity! This is what created an atmosphere of warmth and lightness of spirit and fostered a sense of friendship in whoever was present there.

It being our first visit to their home, the couple generously gave us a tour of the whole house and the small outside compound adjoining. There was delight mingled with pride in the way they opened up their little "space of heaven" to us and we in turn, felt excited and gratified to share in their joy. I have sometimes wondered why some people show stinginess when showing their new homes to their friends - either they do not think them as friends but more acquaintances or they may have the paranoid fear that their guests would mess up their "clean" houses! I have my tongue firmly in my cheek, and I would like to add a third possibility -  probably such people might suffer from unfortunate and irrational superstitious beliefs of hiding away their "piece of good fortune" from "envious evil eyes"!

The last stop was of course the kitchen and it was one of those charming little open ones wherein no specifics of a room are defined. However, the fact that it stood to one corner quite apart from the living room, gave it the appearance of being separate enough to give the users the comfort of being in in another room altogether! And the ultimate surprise was the little courtyard-cum-garden that it opened out to - really the best part of living in a villa! There were a couple of tables with chairs neatly arranged around them near the entrance to the small lawn well as on the lawn itself. We saw that the previous occupants had planted some trees around the boundary of the lawn and this had saved our friends some planting! However, they are quite caught up in the process of planting and experimenting with whatever would care to grow in the best-part-of-the-year of this arid region. So, moving on we were treated to views of bunches of herbs and vegetables and fruits planted at will. They unabashedly told us that they would plant the seeds of anything that they bought as regular replenishment to their kitchen and fridge stock. So we saw seedlings of herbs ranging from mint, parsley, coriander and thyme to vegetables like tomatoes, brinjals, chilies, curry leaves and fruits like papaya and watermelon. The sheer bliss of simply being amid such greenery in an otherwise dry, dusty place, was something that could only be felt through the laughter of the children as they played outside on real grass and through the chirping of birds as they nestled comfortably among the foliage of the trees. Back in India so many of us take these for granted that it is only when we are faced with the reality of living in a concrete jungle laid out in a desert that we begin to appreciate what makes life worth living!

And after the tour we all sat around the little kitchen table sipping cups of hot tea and munching on some snacks, no boundaries separating the men from the women, only unhindered, healthy conversation that served to cement and foster bonds of friendships and camaraderie. May such homes and such hosts continue to multiply and may we be blessed with more of them...Amen!