What is the Expiry Date of a Woman's Dreams?

"What is the expiry date of a woman's dreams?' This is a line from the thought-provoking and commercially successful Malayalam movie, 'How Old Are You?' The movie marked the comeback of a beloved Malayali actress from a self-imposed fifteen-year sabbatical the reason of which was - unsurprisingly, motherhood! 

A few years back, a friend of my mother - a retired nurse, who had been working in Vienna, and was now settled there along with her husband, leading a blissful and contented life, happened to comment, "pregnancy is not a disease or disability. Why is it that we, in India, get so nervous and on edge the moment a woman is discovered to be in the family way? In the West, it is a part and parcel of life - women do not get tense and start to worry the moment they realize they are going to have a baby. They carry their normal day-to-day routines like before. In India, we see the whole family start to worry and foresee all sorts of problems they can possibly imagine happening to the fetus. The relatives descend on the hapless woman like hens clucking together over their newly laid eggs! Women do not need any preferential treatment when they get pregnant - all they require is for everyone around to understand the impending change in their situation and support them in the journey they are setting out on!"

These two separate incidents might not seem related, but they share a common thread - motherhood and the discernible changes it brings to a woman's life and circumstances, not just mentally, physically and emotionally, but enmeshed in this natural biological phenomenon is the deeply problematic aspect of social, economic and physiological changes that can overwhelm the woman, who is both the agent as well as the recipient of all the flux happening to her and around her.

Going back to the Malayali actress, the reasons as to why she chose to quit Malayalam cinema, when she ruled it comprehensively might be never revealed entirely, but the fact remains that she made the choice of stepping away from her career for her family - to become a wife and mother! As someone who made a similar choice, I can relate to what the lady, in question did.

Delving further into the line from the movie, where a teenage daughter, happening to overhear her parents arguing , decides to ask a question that resonates with women all around the globe, it goes without saying that the issue at the core of the question is not something new - it is as old as time immemorial.

History is a one-way mirror where we see women being brought up primarily as vessels of keeping the ancestral line alive. The primeval role of women as nurturers and caregivers and men as the hunter-gatherers who procured food which was cooked and served by the women to the rest of the family is very much alive in society today - at least in mindset. The role-reversal which modern living has brought about, with women finding emancipation, winning the right to vote, to earn a livelihood and eventually to enter the economic strata on an equal footing as men, has been fraught with challenges.

Today, a lot of men feel threatened by the new-found independence and self-reliance of women as they enter the workforce in droves, breaking open the glass ceiling and even assuming positions of seniority over men.

Change is never easy, and it is seldom welcomed by those who see it as a rude awakening from their comfort zones. What results is abuse of power - in myriad forms. Women are physically prevented from pursuing their dreams by prejudiced men who see them as objects to be trampled upon. The physical violence can be domestic as well as social -  as seen from the rising violent crimes against women within the family and in the society.

Why does this happen? Why is it that women are seen as threats when they seek equal employment opportunities or equality within the sphere of the family? Why can't we have men supporting their partners who want to pursue their careers? It has to do with our upbringing. The way we bring up our sons and daughters needs to be uniform and unbiased. It becomes the duty of parents to not just bring up their children well, but on equal terms - to see their daughters as equal to their sons, to give them both he same chores, to praise them and admonish them without any preferential treatment and to look upon both as equals in everything.

For wives and mothers in our society, it is a luxury to fall ill  - they are scared to do even that - as it would mean that there would be nobody to look after the family, especially the children. How many of us remember our mothers falling ill and not turning up in the kitchen on any day? Those instances are few and far in-between. If the woman, who is the driving force of the family - who keeps the family together and who looks after everyone, except herself, were to stop even for a single day, time would indeed stand still. The men of the house might not reach their offices on time and the children might not get to school on time.

But what about the mother, the wife, who toils day and night to keep the family fed on time, clothed with clean laundry and the the whole household going like a well-oiled machine? Does she ever get a holiday or a day off from her chores? The husband and children get their weekly offs and their weekend treats, their entertainment and leisure time. But what happens to the desires of the woman of the house? Does she ever get to live the life she wanted? What happens to her wishes and dreams? What indeed is the expiry date of a woman's dreams?