Un-biasing Myself

 I grew up in a middle-class Indian household like millions of my fellow nationals. I say millions because, interestingly, by 2047, when India turns 100, the middle class is estimated to make up over a billion!

Coming back to my household, it was an atypical South Indian one. The reason - I was born in Kerala to Malayalee parents but raised in New Delhi in a typical North Indian environment. So, basically I was a kid who had Hindi-speaking friends and classmates, but was exposed to Kerala influences including relatives, cuisine, climate et al at infrequent intervals. Infrequent because, my father got an LTC train ticket once in two years, and that was the time we all would visit Kerala during the school summer break. If due to some mischance I fell ill (it did happen a couple of times), the trip would get cancelled and would have to wait another two years. It was quite tough on my parents as they had virtually no relatives up North.

I found myself an amalgam of North and South Indian influences early on. In terms of food, clothing, education, cultural preferences and of course prejudices and biases! The usual 'kaali billi', 'ulti chappal',  not to put feet on pillows, not to hack away at a pair of scissors without actually cutting anything superstitions not withstanding, there were a few add-ons which I got to know down South like avoiding stepping on thresholds as it is considered inauspicious, hearing the sounds of house lizards as it is considered ominous (the poor gecko might be alarmed himself!), hearing the croak of the raven, which is considered to forbode death, and of course the state's favorite preoccupation - jyothisham or horoscope - which is meticulously consulted with alarming regularity for fixing the date and time of every conceivable event in the family from birth, marriage, housewarming, opening a new venture or business to even sometimes deciding the time of cremation! There is also an oft unspoken but widely acknowledged extremity that exists in the form of black magic, exorcisms, witchcrafts, ritualistic sacrifice and so on, but I won't delve into that here.

There were some other prejudices and biases too that turned personal on occasions. The most universal was of course about gender - females were and unfortunately still are - considered inferior to males. The birth of a girl child is not really a cause of celebration in many households. I remember when my sister was born, a group of eunuchs descended on our house asking for a large sum of money saying that a boy was born. It was only when my father corrected them that they were mollified  with a smaller sum. Even afterwards, when I used to accompany my father to the neighborhood marketplace along with my sister, people would envelope us with sympathy telling my father 'aapki to do ladkiyan hain bhaisaab'!

Now, that I have two girls of my own, I realize that the situation is not that dire - given the right opportunities in terms of education and employment, girls are in a much stronger and better position than decades ago and financial independence has made it possible for women to spread their wings and achieve their dreams. The difference lies in our perception and the awareness of bringing up our daughters in the same way as we nurture our sons, and more importantly, teaching and inculcating respect in our sons towards the women they encounter.

For a long time, in fact for most of my life I used to live with the depressing perception that women were in some unfortunate way less than men, even though being a woman myself I struggled against that perception inwardly. But, the birth of my daughters changed that. As I bring up my girls and see them learn and exhibit their intelligence and talent, I am convinced that gender is not really important if only we have the courage to admit the fact and contribute on an individual level towards making that fact a grassroots reality.