Love Marriage Or Arranged Marriage

To start on a humorous note, the first thing that comes to my mind every time I read the heading above is a friend's post on Facebook that went like this:" Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage - It's like asking whether one wants to commit suicide or submit to being murdered!"

My friend in question, is a regular 'funny girl', posting widely 'liked' and commented upon witticisms on the human condition in general. But after the initial smiles and nods of agreement most people, including I, come to realize a surprising fact of life - that despite such commentaries on the apparent sorry state of affairs regarding the institution of marriage, (which has raised sufficient doubts in the minds of many belonging to the 'Generation Next' as to whether they would actually like to get married or not), it remains a dream of the young and romantic to 'settle down' with someone they love! In other words, not only is the institution of marriage 'alive and kicking' as it were (forget what the cynics would say), but a union wherein both parties are in love with each other is the one that is the most sought after. And only in the event of a failure to find such a partner, does the 'seeker' in question submit to the social pressures that be of family, friends, neighbors, relatives, acquaintances, coworkers et al and resign themselves to a union that has come to be characterized as 'Arranged Marriage'.

But this isn't always the case many would argue. There are plenty of people who don't really care what type of union they are getting into - falling in love can happen after marriage too - they would say. I agree with such folks that many young men and women today still leave it to the discretion of close family and friends, and even of matrimonial sites and marriage 'brokering parties', to find them a suitable match. The number of matrimonial sites in India registered on the Internet today are a testament to this  fact. Catering to the requirements of community and caste metrics, these sites freely advertise their specialty and success stories. And who does not want a fairy tale wedding partner - a happily-ever-after story - wherein one gets to star in the principal role! So, with each party setting out their specific requirements whether it be newspaper classifieds or profile pages on matrimonial sites, the preparations are always geared towards getting as close and personal to the 'Big Fat Indian Wedding' as possible, the soaring gold prices not withstanding!

On a personal note, let me add that I do believe that marriages are indeed made in heaven; the life that the partners choose to lead post marriage, is not. God or Fate or whatever the believers might call the Unseen Force, may have chosen our life's partner, whether we fell in love with them before or after marriage. However, what we make of our married life from the day that we get married, starting right from the time that we say 'yes' and accept our partner 'For Better or Worse', is entirely in our own hands. God might have made our marriage, but He has also given humans free will, and it is that free will that decides our actions that in turn determine the course that our marriage would take.

So, a marriage arising from love or through a mutual 'arrangement', would have its high and low points as is to be expected when any two individuals start spending their lives together. It does not matter that they had known each other well and were in love before they got married or that they were strangers brought together by a match arranged for them. There really is no guarantee that a love marriage would be more successful than an arranged one or face less troubles because the parties involved knew each other well before tying the knot. An arranged marriage might turn out to be more successful than a love marriage purely because of the kind of personality of the individuals and their approach to the union. The skepticism surrounding a particular type of marriage or even the very institution of marriage is more to do with the temperament and personal choices of the individuals concerned. The notion that staying single or even preferring a live-in relationship would ensure more 'happiness', 'peace of mind' and 'greater freedom' has more to do with personal priorities and beliefs as to what one wants best for oneself. For marriage, like any other collaboration, speaks mostly about pooling and sharing resources in a way that would be beneficial for both parties. But along the way, this mutual sharing would involve at times more of 'giving' than 'receiving', more of 'him' or 'her' than 'I'. This idea of sacrificing one's own interests at times and giving in for the sake of another is something that has to come from within, unconditional and spontaneous. But it isn't that easy. As humans we are inherently self-centered beings and selfishness comes naturally to us. To rise above our petty vanities and notions of our own comfort, and think about another's betterment - that is the real test of self-sacrifice. And ultimately, it is these small mutual sacrifices that are the building blocks of a stable marriage. Happiness may or may not arise from them as it is a luxury that comes unbidden. But no matter how choppy the seas, the marriage boat will ride it through if the two passengers work with each other and for each other.

To conclude, let me say that whether love or arranged, a marriage is a partnership like any other and is sure to have its unique set of challenges and opportunities. Opportunities that help us to learn from the past, build upon our strengths and experiment with knowledge gained through experience. And to compare it with death, might sound immature and rather naive to those who actually do wish to live life and experience love. For, 'it is in giving that we receive', and it is in loving that we give ourselves the opportunity to be loved in return!

(This post is an entry for the Sony Contest on Indiblogger.com. If you liked it and want to vote for it, please click here. )


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